Small Goals - Pennies to Dollars

Want to up your frugal game? Join one of our challenges.
alliesmama4
Posts: 7514
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:10 pm
Location: Southern IL

Re: Small Goals - Pennies to Dollars

Post by alliesmama4 »

HappyDaze wrote:
Mon Apr 05, 2021 6:11 am
Oh wow, Trees, I am so sorry about your niece, that is terrible. I hope she is doing better.

Here is the kicker - when we started dating in 2013, he had a "low paying" job and an old beater vehicle (nothing wrong with that, just saying). He was getting food assistance, heating assistance, etc. (again, nothing wrong with people who qualify for help taking help). He couldn't afford school clothes for the kids - I bought them. I paid for us to go camping, I bought him a laptop that he needed for work. When his mother passed, (she is a whole other story) I paid for plane tickets so he and his brother could go to where she was. His brother DID pay me back. I paid the babysitter - more than once - and he didn't pay me back. When the babysitter would call off last minute - as she often did, I was the one who had to call off work - because he was already at work.

I helped him study for tests, watched his kids while he traveled to training, bought him the right clothes so he could try to move up through the ranks. And move up he did - and started traveling a lot for work - and not behaving himself on his travels. 3 promotions all total and now he is a "regional vice president", making 2 and a half times what I earn.

He would throw me some money every now and then - but not on a regular basis - to pay on what he owed but I think he thought I should have been paying more household expenses (NO - him and his kids were THREE people, I was ONE person and he did nothing to try to conserve on the utilities, etc). He was getting THOUSANDS in tax refunds every year and could have paid me - but I don't know where the money went.

I helped him build his credit score (it was horrible) by getting a card in his name for his travel expenses. Thankfully, he did keep that completely paid off every time he got his reimbursement checks.

I got so tired of my paycheck being GONE in one day, just trying to keep up. Thankfully, those days are over. As I said, I have myself to blame - "No, we can't afford that" is a complete sentence - and I should have used it. But again - I trusted him. This is really on ME at the end of the day. A lesson I was too old to learn - but it is what it is.

All total - over $14,000 debt he left me with and nothing to show for it - except new fixtures and flooring in my bathroom - but those were necessary, the old ones were leaking and the floor was sinking into the cellar - and all that was only $1,200.

What really gets me is how "easy" it is to tighten one's belt and buckle down and do what needs doing - but he doesn't have that mindset. I'm willing to bet the farm that, even with his high paying job, he is still living paycheck to paycheck - and with my lesser income - I am not.

Whew!!
Wow Sheila I knew things were rough but had no idea how bad.. Sad you had to deal with it but glad you have been able to get out of debt. It does take work that is for sure. Kudos to you.
Janet Alliesmama

ChristmasTrees
Posts: 2260
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:53 am

Re: Small Goals - Pennies to Dollars

Post by ChristmasTrees »

Sheila...I COMPLETELY understand your past situation. You were in it for all the right reasons..and gave it your BEST. You SHOULD have been able to trust him. What a huge loss for him when he lost you. He never deserved you in the first place.

I had a similar situation with a family member. I tried SO hard to help them get out of huge debt. Setting up budgets...at THEIR request. Paying off some things for them...to help get them started I was in it heart and soul...and they were spending TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH..FOR GOING OUT TO RESTAURANTS!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!
So...yeah..that was on ME...but...really????? I should have been able to trust that they would be sticking to the budget that we set uo together AT THEIR REQUEST!!!!
No more!

User avatar
MackerelCat
Posts: 3391
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 9:44 pm

Re: Small Goals - Pennies to Dollars

Post by MackerelCat »

Sheila, I knew from your past posts that there had been betrayal on the part of your ex, but not the extent of it until just now. Wow, the brass of that dude! You are such a good person and he is so very not. (((hugs)))

I keep chipping away at weekly expenses that might seem insignificant, but they do add up over time. I am not crazy about spending several hours on Sunday doing meal prep for my week, but figured out it saves me $25 a week over buying ready-made frozen stuff and Kashi cereal.

It's taken forever to get the lesson across, but DH has lately gotten onboard with the "little leaks sink the ship" approach too. Grocery shopping with him no longer makes me fear the trip to the cash register. :-D
Mackie

Beverley
Posts: 125
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2020 11:33 am

Re: Small Goals - Pennies to Dollars

Post by Beverley »

I have been chipping away at expenses throughout the pandemic and am surprised at how much I have saved. Of course gasoline has been a large part of that but now with working at a location near home gasoline consumption should continue to be small. The wine tastings and wine clubs have been eliminated so another big chunk gone. I will continue to chip away. I know what I will cut next. I have also nearly paid off my van. All of this means I will be able to weather the upcoming LTC insurance premiums easily. I can't believe how many holes I continue to find in my expenses. I cannot do much about my utilities. I need the temperatures in my home to be comfortable since I am there a lot. Still cheaper than being out all the time where it would cost me more money. I am also continuing to do surveys although I have narrowed them down to a few sites where I am not screened out all the time. I do stay on the sites where I get small compensations even when I am screened out. It all adds up.

Bev

HappyDaze
Posts: 1405
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2019 11:11 am

Re: Small Goals - Pennies to Dollars

Post by HappyDaze »

ChristmasTrees wrote:
Mon Apr 05, 2021 11:22 am
Sheila...I COMPLETELY understand your past situation. You were in it for all the right reasons..and gave it your BEST. You SHOULD have been able to trust him. What a huge loss for him when he lost you. He never deserved you in the first place.

I had a similar situation with a family member. I tried SO hard to help them get out of huge debt. Setting up budgets...at THEIR request. Paying off some things for them...to help get them started I was in it heart and soul...and they were spending TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH..FOR GOING OUT TO RESTAURANTS!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!
So...yeah..that was on ME...but...really????? I should have been able to trust that they would be sticking to the budget that we set uo together AT THEIR REQUEST!!!!
No more!
Trees, how very frustrating! I'm guessing you never got a "thank you" or any of your money back? Been there & done that in years gone by - with both my sister and my former step son. Step son's wife had the brass to sit at my table and tell me about all the new DVDs and such they had just purchased - while we were paying off their bills and trying to get them on the right track! As you said NO. MORE.

P.S. Your kind words mean so much. :-)

HappyDaze
Posts: 1405
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2019 11:11 am

Re: Small Goals - Pennies to Dollars

Post by HappyDaze »

MackerelCat wrote:
Mon Apr 05, 2021 12:51 pm
Sheila, I knew from your past posts that there had been betrayal on the part of your ex, but not the extent of it until just now. Wow, the brass of that dude! You are such a good person and he is so very not. (((hugs)))

I keep chipping away at weekly expenses that might seem insignificant, but they do add up over time. I am not crazy about spending several hours on Sunday doing meal prep for my week, but figured out it saves me $25 a week over buying ready-made frozen stuff and Kashi cereal.

It's taken forever to get the lesson across, but DH has lately gotten onboard with the "little leaks sink the ship" approach too. Grocery shopping with him no longer makes me fear the trip to the cash register. :-D
Mackie, I don't know how you got your DH on board with the grocery shopping - but HORRAY for you, that is great! $25 a week is $1,300 a year, my friend - way to go!

Thank you for your kind words - I TRY to be a good person.

Post Reply