your support system

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icfrugal1
Posts: 2952
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:54 am

your support system

Post by icfrugal1 »

So, long story short......

I have a friend who is my age (66) he has cancer and has had some treatments for the cancer, he was very, very sick with the treatments.

In the meantime he and his wife decided to move, they had a chance to buy a house, (they had been renting), but it is out of their medical area. And hours out of their support area. meaning for them a new church and making new friends, their family does not live anywhere near them now.

Which brings me to my concern, they moved not only out of their medical system, but out of their support system, they moved about 3 hours away into a new (to them) community.

So my DH and I were talking about this yesterday, are you with your support system?

My DH and I have been living in our house for 30 years, my family (my two sisters) live within an hour of us, and we of them of course. We have no kids. DH has his mother and two brothers that live 1/2 hour away, but he does not feel that he can go to them.

We also live about 1/2 away from our medical needs so if worse came to worse we could taxi or Uber over.

Makes me think that we may be much better staying in our house and modifying it if (when) need be.

What are your thoughts? Are you near your support system?

Any thoughts?

IC
rinty
Posts: 1919
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:54 am

Re: your support system

Post by rinty »

OOOh, good thread !

I do think we have a sensible support system in place for DS and , for that reason, I wouldn't move far. ( so that's part of our reasoning for NOT retiring to Wales )

DS has a very good day service, these are as Rare as Hens Teeth, so I clutch it to my ample bosom ;) And I know I $itch and moan re social services but the idea of breaking in a new set fills me with horror, stick with wot you know, I say.

Buying this house a good local doctors was a must given DH present state of health. Ours very good and does lots of referrals, I've been sent for mammograms etc so they are very pro active too.

Church is always a good support system if that's what you like, others may find it invasive as people can be TOO involved IMO.

As far as family goes, the children are supportive of us and vice versa and we enjoy that. Extended family varies, we are more the supporters there with older " random " relatives we keep an eye on, visit, have over for holidays etc. I have said recently that I have felt hurt that we don't get "support" from extended family much re DS.............and that does rankle, I won't lie. I don't want or EXPECT much........I am talking about a birthday card, for heavens sake :x ........I do feel alone with that and it hurts. They are not all like that, my stepbrothers family are wonderful with him and invite him to things it would be much easier for them to NOT invite too, so bless them, others have actually been hurtful. Oh, well.
BeckyO
Posts: 926
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:32 am

Re: your support system

Post by BeckyO »

When my late DH and I downsized we moved iinto the same building as my DM, different floors, different apartments. I came to increase HER support system and it made a real difference for her. She is deceased now.

But at the same time we moved closer to one source of our medical care. (The VA system is country wide and we can use any part of it we wish to use). We moved to within 8 miles of this VA. I did give up an excellent doctor, but have since trained some , LOL

One of my DC lives within 5 miles. I did have 3 adult DGC and their families within 5 miles. The DGC have all moved states away. My DD#1 is moving about 25 miles away. My other DC and DGC live several states away.

I had 2 DBs within 10 miles. They have moved about 30 miles away. One DB lived 30 miles away. He now lives several states away. The Sis I used to visit every summer is deceased. My aunt who had lived about 8 miles from here for 50 years, moved 35 miles away. The aunt and uncle about 20 miles away are deceased.

Support systems are fluid they come and go, go where you want to go and build a system.
Dgflorida
Posts: 4381
Joined: Wed Oct 07, 2015 8:10 pm

Re: your support system

Post by Dgflorida »

We moved 1000 miles from our support system. However, hubs had a dream of returning to fish in his lake and there was nothing like it in Houston Texas that we could afford. I had suggested a place in Texas that would put us in a reasonable distance from our 2 sons, in Austin and in Houston. His brother and sister also live in Texas. But he could only see his lake and his porch and his fish. We are also much farther from medical facilities. We were within a few miles of several major hospitals there. Here a smaller one about 30 minutes away and a new small one the other direction about the same distance.

Sometimes a support system is not the most important thing in deciding to move. I am glad we downsized which would not have happened if we stayed in that large house. And moving is so expensive, there needs to be an important motivation. This was his dream and that has been fulfilled.
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