What do you wish that you had done sooner for yourself?

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RecoveringDreamer
Posts: 346
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:00 pm

Re: What do you wish that you had done sooner for yourself?

Post by RecoveringDreamer »

My big one is a bit embarrassing, but I have been trying to talk more about it to reduce the stigma around it.

The thing I wish I would have done earlier (as in, 15 years earlier) was to get on an antidepressant. I have struggled with severe depression since I was a teenager, sometimes it was dangerous. Where I came from, people didn't understand mental illness; it was seen as a character flaw. Like if you were more religious/less sinful/stronger/trying, you wouldn't have depression.

Even though for years I encouraged my friends to take care of themselves, told them it was brain chemistry and they shouldn't expect themselves to be able to change their brain chemistry based on sheer will, I did not give myself that same understanding. I tried exercise, faking it til I made it, herbs, supplements, diet changes, trying new hobbies. None of it worked. Some of it helped other things, but the depression never got any better at all. Finally, I got on a very low dose a year ago. The change has been amazing. My doctor welled up when we were talking a few months after I started at seeing the visible change in me from that first appointment to then. This fall was the worst of my life, by far (DH's accident, the loss of a cousin and 2 uncles, my aunt's cancer coming back and losing my dream job) and yet I had enough strength in me to not only not be a liability to the family, but to support my family and take care of what needed done.

None of my fears came true. I'm not a zombie. I still feel things (even sad or angry). I am not happy all the time (I was actually afraid of not feeling the full scale of emotions and how that would impact my ability to empathize with people). I wish I would have done it years ago.
A Life Beyond Money
Self Sufficiency. Simple Living. Frugality.

www.alifebeyondmoney.blogspot.com

Heloise
Posts: 835
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2016 12:11 pm

Re: What do you wish that you had done sooner for yourself?

Post by Heloise »

RecoveringDreamer. Thank you for your kind supportive words Re: quitting smoking.

Re: depression, don't ever feel embarrassed over talking it. I know a good number of people who battle with depression and many others who have gone through periods in their lives where depression controlled and dominated every aspect of their daily life.

I believe the only stigma attached to depression revolves around a false pretense that awareness and acceptance doesn't exist. From all that I see, depression is more recognized today than ever, and more and more avenues are opening up all the time to afford those who battle with such, not only the option to seek help and support, but tap into services and programs that are critical to the recovery of sufferers.

So happy to know you are on a path to wellness.

Heloise
Posts: 835
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2016 12:11 pm

Re: What do you wish that you had done sooner for yourself?

Post by Heloise »

Another I wish I had learned to practice early on... not taking life so serious.

ohjodi
Posts: 1225
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 3:57 pm

Re: What do you wish that you had done sooner for yourself?

Post by ohjodi »

That's so great you have someone to help you with so much. I'm really excited that I will get someone, too. I'll have a Deep Clean in January, then regular cleaning every two weeks. I already feel less depressed! LOL I'm thinking of all the things I can do instead of cleaning, or rather, instead of sitting here not wanting to clean, but not doing anything else, either, because I SHOULD be cleaning something, LOL I want to just invite people over on a whim much more often. I'd let the landlord in right now, my house isn't a filthy disaster........it's just a bit too grubby and disorganized.

Amazingly I may have found someone already.....I mentioned to my youngest sister last night about this, and she's the root of the town grapevine so I asked if she knew anyone, and she took out her smartphone and showed me a facebook post that someone had made that day, offering house cleaning, LOL So I checked out this lady's facebook page, and I she seems really nice and her house is really clean, LOL So I have a lead!

Here comes the sunnn....DO do, DO do....Here comes the sunnn, and I say.....It's alright...
ohjodi

ohjodi
Posts: 1225
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 3:57 pm

Re: What do you wish that you had done sooner for yourself?

Post by ohjodi »

Recovering Dreamer...........I totally understand. I can say everything you did, for myself. Including about being really understanding and helpful to others who have depression or other complications, but ignoring myself.

I've been on Wellbutrin for three years now, by far the longest ever, and the highest dosage. It helps me about 80% or so, and I totally get what you mean with being worried about not feeling a full range of emotions. About 20 years ago I tried ST Johns Wort for a while, and it did help with depression, but I felt NOTHING. To me, that was almost as bad as being depressed, so I stopped taking it.

The biggest thing I do, now, is I've been telling my family about my depression, how long I've had it (7 years old), how bad it gets, the weird things I do when it's bad (like being very neglectful of myself), etc. Nobody ever knew, ever had a clue.....I am truly a great actress.

And the best thing that has come from my finally telling my family about this, is that my dad is FINALLY taking anti-anxiety medication. FINALLY. He's always been an anxious person, but as he gets older he has become intolerable. I had to tell him he could not stay at my house for more than three days because he is overwhelming. My stepmother had to threaten to leave. So he has been on meds for two months and there is a HUGE difference, although he does need to increase his dose. We see a huge difference, but he doesn't see it at all. That's amazing to me, because if I suddenly stopped having 30 minute rants all the time, I'd think I'd be aware of that LOL He says he doesn't even recall us begging him to stop being an #$!. He's not getting alzheimers or dementia....I just think his anxiety was so extreme that he literally could not hear us or understand us when he was having his rants.

I know that my admitting that I have a problem and need medication, likely helped my dad understand that it's ok to need meds.

Keep doing what you're doing! I'm so proud of you! Life is so much better when we feel better.
ohjodi

RecoveringDreamer
Posts: 346
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:00 pm

Re: What do you wish that you had done sooner for yourself?

Post by RecoveringDreamer »

Heloise wrote:RecoveringDreamer. Thank you for your kind supportive words Re: quitting smoking.

Re: depression, don't ever feel embarrassed over talking it. I know a good number of people who battle with depression and many others who have gone through periods in their lives where depression controlled and dominated every aspect of their daily life.

I believe the only stigma attached to depression revolves around a false pretense that awareness and acceptance doesn't exist. From all that I see, depression is more recognized today than ever, and more and more avenues are opening up all the time to afford those who battle with such, not only the option to seek help and support, but tap into services and programs that are critical to the recovery of sufferers.

So happy to know you are on a path to wellness.
Thanks, Heloise. I am happy too. :)

So far as awareness goes, I definitely think it depends on the community you are in. In my group here in the city, people are pretty open and understanding. A lot of my friends deal with it openly, and we take turns being strong for each other. Back where I grew up, it was not like that. I have one friend in particular back there who is definitely dealing with some extreme depression, and people are talking her out of getting real help. Those are the people I try to be the most vocal with about how much my quality of life and resilience improved, even on a low dose. I am thrilled to have a good group of friends now that is understanding. That would have helped so much in my teen years.
A Life Beyond Money
Self Sufficiency. Simple Living. Frugality.

www.alifebeyondmoney.blogspot.com

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