Gayle's Cancer Updates

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icfrugal1
Posts: 2547
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:54 am

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by icfrugal1 »

Gayle,

Thinking of you daily, thank you so much for sharing .

Feel free to cry, it may help :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

People just don't what to say to you are your DH, I know that they don't think that they are putting pressure on you, even though they are. (I know that these words are not useful to you)

IC

rinty
Posts: 1761
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:54 am

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by rinty »

gaylejackson2 wrote:
Sun Dec 29, 2019 6:47 pm
Dear Family & Friends,

December 26th was my 3rd Chemo Infusion; Andrew & I were almost through Parley's Canyon to our exit when the check-engine light came on, and our car started acting weird. He dropped me off at Huntsman then headed off for the nearest Ford dealership to see if he could find some answers. Fast forward to the end of that day, our car had an appointment with the Ford dealership in Vernal, but the people in SLC valley were less than helpful, and we drove home carefully.

I spoke to a different Physician's Assistant on Thursday, all the regular ones must have been off for Christmas. She was mainly concerned about my tongue & mouth issues, as well as my on-going constipation battle; she didn't want to discuss anything else.

Only the actually time of having chemo this time was fun, and that was because I had 3 wonderful friends come spend that infusion time with me! Hubby was gone dealing with car issues, so I was happy to have friends with me during this time. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much during a emotionally exhausting time.

Otherwise chemo this time has been positively awful, or rather the post-chemo effects. I have had severe pain, severe irritability, severe disorientation, my vision was yellowish for about 2-3 days afterwards, and now I think that I was beginning to sink into the the depressive stage of grief! It certainly doesn't help that it's gray and gloomy outside, plus being extra cold (-13F at 5am today) so that I feel less inclined to go out walking, which is one of the things that I DO NEED to keep doing. Thoughts on the matter include Winter+chemo+sick-time-of-the-year+cancer= less visitors & greater depression for me. Not saying anyone needs to come visit, just saying that I feel even more isolated now.

My grumpiness and irritability make me also want to change up things in regards to how I let you all know about any updates for me... but I should probably just keep going in the same manner as I am doing for now. What is this change I'm tempted to do? Well as many of you know, I have created a Facebook group, and I'm tempted to post only there to cut down on the number of times & places of posting (except here on MFH, because you all are my village, a HUGE source of support for me). This could also be another feature of of my depression attempting to set in. However if you're tired of hearing from me, tell me know, and I'll deal you out of the next round. You sure wouldn't be the first one... and maybe a reply back once in a while wouldn't hurt you either, hmm? Just so I know these emails aren't shooting off to outer space?

Really not much of an update, this is just more of I'm still here, still slogging along the path of cancer-free. It's not an easy path, nor is it swift, but if I keep on like the tortoise, it is slow & sure. Just kind of bumpy.

People keep asking me when I'm going to be "back to normal" again?! All I can say is seriously??!!?? Who even knows the answer to that question??!! I begin to think there is NO NORMAL, unless you're thinking of normal activity (that is a long time in the future, as the few little things I've done over the past 2 weeks have shown me); some days I think my new normal is going to be sore chest, swollen belly, all-over-body pain, icy-coldness, cramping hands & feet, no hair, mood swings, irritability, disorientation, blurry vision, gastrointestinal distress, heart palpitations, severe exhaustion, horrible mouth pain & tongue sores, severe nausea, painful scalp, skin sores across the body, and a few other things that my tired mind cannot remember just now.

For someone going through cancer, There Is No Normal like you think of Normal. There is only the do what you can today to survive another day's agony!! My daily agonines also include not being mobile like I used to be, not being able to care for my family as I previously did (I cleaned my bathtub & the toilet last night and I was as exhausted as if I had Subbed a full day of PE classes & walked 7 miles across the high school campus), no driving, still doing less repetitive motions, and basically all the same things as last time that I said I couldn't do.

Thank you for all of your prayers. I think I need them far more Now than ever before because its going to take a lot to drag myself out of the depressive funk I feel like I'm sinking into. I feel like I had stopped praying for awhile too, and that has changed, I'm praying more & harder now again. I miss going to the Temple, but I want to go again somehow, even just doing an hour's worth of initiatory would be so very helpful; I just do not know how to get there as I'm still not driving.

Gayle Jackson :)
Ahh, Gayle, please don't stop postings these to us, unless you personally find it too difficult. we are your village, this is long term for you and we get that.

Its so hard that you know so many brainless dweebs who want to see " better " in like , 10 minutes :x For the love of .................At least you had friends during your last chemo and that's lovely..............so sorry these side effects have been the hardest yet.

You are most definitely in our family prayers. Do you know what, you said about the temple, there will be someone who WANTS to help you but isn't sure how..........put it out there that you'd love to be supported to do a temple session............or, like you say, maybe just iniatory and I bet you will get offers. It says a LOT about you that you would think of serving even as such a time as this in your life. Please ask ! You being in the temple might be faith promoting to people even seeing you there. Please ask !

We all wish we were local and could scrub your toilets to your standards ;) ( trying to joke with you , here )

Look after yourself and hope this horrible side effects of this round are over quickly. We will specifically pray for it. Love you x

gaylejackson2
Posts: 2947
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

rinty wrote:
Mon Dec 30, 2019 3:18 pm
Ahh, Gayle, please don't stop postings these to us, unless you personally find it too difficult. we are your village, this is long term for you and we get that.

Its so hard that you know so many brainless dweebs who want to see " better " in like , 10 minutes :x For the love of .................At least you had friends during your last chemo and that's lovely..............so sorry these side effects have been the hardest yet.

You are most definitely in our family prayers. Do you know what, you said about the temple, there will be someone who WANTS to help you but isn't sure how..........put it out there that you'd love to be supported to do a temple session............or, like you say, maybe just iniatory and I bet you will get offers. It says a LOT about you that you would think of serving even as such a time as this in your life. Please ask ! You being in the temple might be faith promoting to people even seeing you there. Please ask !

We all wish we were local and could scrub your toilets to your standards ;) ( trying to joke with you , here )

Look after yourself and hope this horrible side effects of this round are over quickly. We will specifically pray for it. Love you x
Rinty,

Thank you for your prayers. They are definitely felt & appreciated.

Of course I WON'T stop posting here to MFH, you all here are truly my village, my support system in a far better way than even my family. They (my siblings) haven't even responded to any of my emails in ages.

"The brainless dweebs" as you call them, are mainly people from church, but also the odd person I talk to around town, and a few from Facebook..

As for what I said about the Temple, I did have 2 ladies offer within 2 hours, to take me to do initiatory. I don't know if I want to do a Temple session yet, though I could--I just need to get past the first 7-10 days of post-chemo yuckiness. I don't care if I'm seen as faith-promoting to people, I just want to go for my own sake because I MISS being there, you know that good feeling I'm talking about.

Haha.. you'd probably find that my toilet-scrubbing standards aren't up to Your standards. Or maybe my cleaning standards have dropped. ;)

gaylejackson2
Posts: 2947
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

icfrugal1 wrote:
Mon Dec 30, 2019 2:15 pm
Gayle,

Thinking of you daily, thank you so much for sharing .

Feel free to cry, it may help :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

People just don't what to say to you are your DH, I know that they don't think that they are putting pressure on you, even though they are. (I know that these words are not useful to you)

IC
IC,

Thank you for your thoughts, I much appreciate them.

I agree that some people don't know what to say, so they say whatever pops into their minds. Though you say otherwise, your words ARE useful to me; I never before this situation, thought so much about the pressure applied by mere words.

I'm frustrated, so I tend to vent to you all here, and even in my emails.

Thank you for listening. :)

gaylejackson2
Posts: 2947
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

alliesmama4 wrote:
Sun Dec 29, 2019 7:33 pm
Gayle I am so sorry to hear what you are dealing with. Wish I had words of wisdom to give to you.. I cannot imagine what you are feeling physically and emotionally. I think what you are going through with your depression is normal. You are going through so much healing from a very extensive surgery and then having to deal with periodic chemo therapy that knocks you for a loop. I know it is a daily struggle, maybe even an hour by hour struggle, depending what you are trying to do. Also you have the daily needs of your family that you want to do but cannot. You are strong but you are not superwoman so only do what you can do for short periods of time. I have had to learn I can only do things for about 10 to 15 minutes tops and then I need to rest. I do hope and pray things will start to get better for you soon.

So glad you had some friends that stopped by to help you through your last round of chemo. Do you have one more chemo after this one.

Think of Spring. You will be like a beautiful butterfly coming out of your cocoon.

Sending love, ((hugs)) and prayers. Your friend, Janet
Thank you Janet.

gaylejackson2
Posts: 2947
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

littlemiss63 wrote:
Sun Dec 29, 2019 10:38 pm
Gayle, you beautiful soul. You are an inspiration to all of us and you are showing us how to cope if this terrible disease should decide we are it's next culprit. I agree with you about normal. What is normal when you've face what you have?

Take one day at a time and deal with what you have to on that day. I find if I start thinking about what is going to happen in my future. We all know that worry is a waste of time, but there isn't a one of us that can stop doing it all together.

You are fighting now to keep going and you continue the good fight my friend.
((((((((Hugs)))))))) and you are in my prayers every day and will continue to be there.
Thank you LittleMiss!

Good luck to you in your own current health struggles too. ((Hugs))

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