Gayle's Cancer Updates

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rinty
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Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:54 am

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by rinty »

Gayle, I will pray for you but I think you know what you need to do. The advice you've been given is very good. People you know in real life won't know what you've shared here cos I imagine you would feel more awkward sharing it in Real Life but they would be horrified and probably would tell you exactly what you've been told here.

I do agree it must be affecting the kids which I think will be your tipping point as you sacrifice yourself too much, other women would not have taken so much but you seem not to feel you deserve better and that's so sad. You DO , Gayle, you DO..

I think you shoud share a written log with your therapist, who I imagine will be horrified. I think you need to feel JUSTIFIED in yourself in Real Life and hopefully can find someone who will give that to you.I will pray for that , certainly.

Its is lovely so many here care for you x

alliesmama4
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Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:10 pm
Location: Southern IL

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by alliesmama4 »

gaylejackson2 wrote:
Sun Mar 29, 2020 11:57 pm
Thank you all for your comments.

I need to pray about everything more fervently than I have been doing. That is, pray before acting.

Many of my siblings see me only as their “little sister,” not worthy of making adult decisions for myself. So praying for inspiration on how best to approach them, And whom exactly to talk to.

My inheritance is definitely gone and I’ve mostly accepted that.

In the mean time, I need to be as cheerful as I can be for my children, so I ask you praying folk to pray that I can receive the answers I need while caring properly for my family... as best as I am physically able.
Gayle I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know it is a very difficult time for you and a lot to think and pray about. My sister had a horrible marriage and stuck it out for 30 years for "the sake of my children." She had young children and older children almost like raising two families but with the same husband. After my sister died I was talking to her oldest DD and I told my niece what her mother had told me.She was horrified. She said I wish she had not done that. The emotional stress on your children will affect them and their relationships all of their lives.
Janet Alliesmama

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Jackielou
Posts: 7089
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:51 pm

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by Jackielou »

gaylejackson2 wrote:
Sun Mar 29, 2020 11:57 pm
Thank you all for your comments.

I need to pray about everything more fervently than I have been doing. That is, pray before acting.

Many of my siblings see me only as their “little sister,” not worthy of making adult decisions for myself. So praying for inspiration on how best to approach them, And whom exactly to talk to.

My inheritance is definitely gone and I’ve mostly accepted that.

In the mean time, I need to be as cheerful as I can be for my children, so I ask you praying folk to pray that I can receive the answers I need while caring properly for my family... as best as I am physically able.
Gayle, my heart goes out to you and of course you have my prayers, that goes without saying.

HappyDaze
Posts: 520
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2019 11:11 am

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by HappyDaze »

alliesmama4 wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 7:11 am
Gayle I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know it is a very difficult time for you and a lot to think and pray about. My sister had a horrible marriage and stuck it out for 30 years for "the sake of my children." She had young children and older children almost like raising two families but with the same husband. After my sister died I was talking to her oldest DD and I told my niece what her mother had told me.She was horrified. She said I wish she had not done that. The emotional stress on your children will affect them and their relationships all of their lives.
Janet, that is so interesting. When I told my son, who was 18 at the time, of my decision to get a divorce, his response was "what took you so long?" I said "well, did you really want to spend weekends with your father without me around when you were little?" He said no, but it would have been okay.

alliesmama4
Posts: 6022
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:10 pm
Location: Southern IL

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by alliesmama4 »

HappyDaze wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 5:54 pm
Janet, that is so interesting. When I told my son, who was 18 at the time, of my decision to get a divorce, his response was "what took you so long?" I said "well, did you really want to spend weekends with your father without me around when you were little?" He said no, but it would have been okay.
Sometimes children know what is the best thing but parents for whatever reason stay together. My Sister and her husband were both devout Christians she wanted to honor her vows. He was good to other people and brought a lot of people to The Lord. However how can you be a devout Christian and physically and emotionally abuse your wife? It was actually her minister that convinced her she had to leave him. Glad your son was not upset and was accepting of it you getting a divorce.
Janet Alliesmama

SandiSAHM
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Location: Oklahoma

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by SandiSAHM »

alliesmama4 wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 7:07 pm
Sometimes children know what is the best thing but parents for whatever reason stay together. My Sister and her husband were both devout Christians she wanted to honor her vows. He was good to other people and brought a lot of people to The Lord. However how can you be a devout Christian and physically and emotionally abuse your wife? It was actually her minister that convinced her she had to leave him. Glad your son was not upset and was accepting of it you getting a divorce.
My exH had no religion of his own. He'd been brought up with it but had some really bad experiences tied to it and just walked away from all of it when he left for college. He put a little effort in for his Mom the few times we saw his family near a holiday. His issue wasn't "I'm the man, so..." it was purely, IMO, a bad case of being bipolar on top of alcoholism. To this day my mother (who does like current DH, too :lol: ) wonders why on earth I left him* - he does GREAT "public image." Plus she thinks he's only slightly less good looking than Tom Selleck - his only 'flaw' being that he's blond (I married in the 1980s the first time, Selleck's and ex-h's prime :lol: ....) and she has a serious thing for Selleck; and she's kind of monetarily oriented and he's the quintessential "self-made man" :roll: owns a couple businesses, some real estate, he's not hurting.

To his credit over time he's figured it out; he's been dating / off-and-on living with a SUPER nice woman for around 9 years & I asked him a few years ago when I met her, because she's all starry eyed over him... Why not marry her? His eyes got big and he said "NO. If I marry her, I'll change, and we know how I am when I change."

Yeah; he was a much better BF than he was an H, so I guess he's doing her a favor.

He also knew he'd s*ck as a parent and puts that on his dad having s*cked as a parent, so... A little introspection is a good thing if it saves other people from potential damage.

*My mom doesn't "know" and she probably never will. For a while when she was griping at me constantly about taking him back I thought I might tell her after HIS mom died, because the two of them are still friends despite it having been a distance friendship even at the beginning (I'm still friends with ex-MIL, I love her) and I would never risk her finding out what her only 'good' son is really like (he's the only kid who didn't fully abandon his parents, he even stepped up after his dad died and made sure she has what she needs even though he's still not able to physically BE there 95% of the time, he has her set up pretty well) because she'd be really hurt. But now... it's not like he's out NOT having learned enough not to mess up again, so what's the point. I haven't forgotten, I don't think that's a requirement (if I'm supposed to forgive someone 70 times 7, that implies that I can count, I don't have to forget - if I have to forget, then there's nothing to count, is there?), but forgive him? Sure. I figure if it hadn't been for his bad timing on escalation I wouldn't have been single when I met DH and THAT is one of the better things that's happened in the last 50+ years, so...

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