Gayle's Cancer Updates

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gaylejackson2
Posts: 2958
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

I have been talking to some of my Cancer Doctors. Next Tuesday I have my last virtual appt, and then I’ll be planning to share all that I have been learning from them.

frugalmom
Posts: 1388
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 10:52 pm

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by frugalmom »

gaylejackson2 wrote:
Tue Apr 14, 2020 1:11 pm
I have been talking to some of my Cancer Doctors. Next Tuesday I have my last virtual appt, and then I’ll be planning to share all that I have been learning from them.
Hang in there Gayle! Hope it will all be good! Take it easy and rest up in the meantime as best as you can! When I get stressed, I try to make it as EASY as possible for myself-like cooking easy stuff,even frozen foods or hot dogs or a rotisserie chicken! Take care of myself-like who the heck will take care of ME if I am taking care of everyone else! So I have learned to be my own BEST FRIEND as well!

Granted I have best friends(one in Texas and one a bit away) and both have been with me since I was about 18 years old so as long as I have been married! But like one is going through cancer and had problems along the way so I do not want to burden her with anything as it is,though I know she would be there for me in an instant. Last time we actually physically saw each other was a year ago when her father passed away and we both met up in LA area (I drove there). My heart just broke for her-she loved him sooo much and he was like 98 yo! He was very forgetful but he remembered me even after all these years and always tells her that she is always your best friend-she is a good friend to have! LOL! I am like a part of that family-there are 8 of the kids and wherever one sister goes the 6 sisters are there or at least three or four. The nicest family.

So it may seem strange, and lol I don't know if anyone else ever does this (maybe I am the only weird one doing it lol!?)but this helps me. I talk or advise myself like I am my best friend too. Like whatever advise I would give my best friends or even just regular friends I would do that for me! LIke what would I say to them and I would say that to ME! It helps me through! I also pray,listen to nature whether in real time like going outside to walk at the park or my yard (I have a symphony of birds!) or on you tube ocean waves or babbling brook, waterfalls, rain (sometimes with music and sometimes just nature's sounds). It calms me and gives me peace. I also watch movie/comedies and comedienne shows. I just make myself laugh-I like to laugh-stress reliever. I try to avoid heavy movies where I am crying all over the place bc I am too sensitive-I am the kind that would cry during those life insurance or Pepsi commercials! So I cannot watch heavy movies! Although I understand keeping busy also keeps your mind off of things-so you do you, Gayle-whatever you think is best to treat yourself first and the best!

gaylejackson2
Posts: 2958
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

This IS NOT an update, but IS RELATED to my @&@¥>%#?\{?,~|CANCER, so in here it goes. I’m not checking in today. As Rinty said to me, “I don't have the mental capacity for it!”
————
All of my former fury, sadness, and anguish over having cancer has returned in full force this weekend, and I’m not able to determine the cause. Is it that remembered portion of a Priesthood blessing I was given last fall, about how this cancer is not meant to be a punishment—well God, it certainly feels like a punishment because I’m just not seeing the lesson or blessing in this hideous mess. Perhaps it is the conversation with my gynecological oncologist about the reasons why I need to have a hysterectomy in July! Or perhaps it is how my lovely dyed wools came home turned into other colors without my knowledge or permission! Or perhaps it is just the whole unfairness of the stupid isolation thing. Oh coronavirus, COVID-19, could you not have given me one week?? One time back at church, one week in which to attend temple??! My emotions are awry, I am furious about everything, the old bullying issues from childhood and middle school and high school and riding the goddamn bus coming back as well!! Oh cancer you foul, loathsome bully! How you have disrupted my life! And now because of you I get to lose even more of my body! I am not a kind person today, I don’t want to be around anyone, no matter who they are! The energy that it takes for me to act pleasant and kind-seeming to people is exhaustive & draining!!
Then there’s With all of the stupid signs and commercials that remind you to send mom a card for Mother’s Day letting her know how much you love her—they make me want to punch somebody, or scream, or break something! Thank you everybody for the incessant reminder that my parents are dead, and that I can’t do that!Today I hate my life! I would kill myself but I have too much to live for, but even today sunshine and bright yellow flowers cannot cheer me up!!! So I shall pedal my wheel making yarn-rope out of the despised mint-green wool that should have been beautiful dark green, and pray for a way out of this miserable abyss!!! 5/9/20 2:19pm MST

clemencia2us
Posts: 6106
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:21 am

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by clemencia2us »

Breathe deeply Gayle.

Keep praying

We will all pray for you

SandiSAHM
Posts: 1479
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:46 am
Location: Oklahoma

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by SandiSAHM »

gaylejackson2 wrote:
Sat May 09, 2020 4:28 pm
This IS NOT an update, but IS RELATED to my @&@¥>%#?\{?,~|CANCER, so in here it goes. I’m not checking in today. As Rinty said to me, “I don't have the mental capacity for it!”
————
All of my former fury, sadness, and anguish over having cancer has returned in full force this weekend, and I’m not able to determine the cause. Is it that remembered portion of a Priesthood blessing I was given last fall, about how this cancer is not meant to be a punishment—well God, it certainly feels like a punishment because I’m just not seeing the lesson or blessing in this hideous mess. Perhaps it is the conversation with my gynecological oncologist about the reasons why I need to have a hysterectomy in July! Or perhaps it is how my lovely dyed wools came home turned into other colors without my knowledge or permission! Or perhaps it is just the whole unfairness of the stupid isolation thing. Oh coronavirus, COVID-19, could you not have given me one week?? One time back at church, one week in which to attend temple??! My emotions are awry, I am furious about everything, the old bullying issues from childhood and middle school and high school and riding the goddamn bus coming back as well!! Oh cancer you foul, loathsome bully! How you have disrupted my life! And now because of you I get to lose even more of my body! I am not a kind person today, I don’t want to be around anyone, no matter who they are! The energy that it takes for me to act pleasant and kind-seeming to people is exhaustive & draining!!
Then there’s With all of the stupid signs and commercials that remind you to send mom a card for Mother’s Day letting her know how much you love her—they make me want to punch somebody, or scream, or break something! Thank you everybody for the incessant reminder that my parents are dead, and that I can’t do that!Today I hate my life! I would kill myself but I have too much to live for, but even today sunshine and bright yellow flowers cannot cheer me up!!! So I shall pedal my wheel making yarn-rope out of the despised mint-green wool that should have been beautiful dark green, and pray for a way out of this miserable abyss!!! 5/9/20 2:19pm MST
1) Print your post and show it to your therapist, there's a lot to unwrap there and likely easier to hand her a printout than actually say it all out loud.

2) A dense question - can you say "no" to the doctors who have decided you're going to have a hysterectomy this summer? Is there a reason (the cynic in me says the reason is the bottom line - the hospital's, surgeon's, anesthesiologist's, etc - they see what your insurance is willing to pay and would rather have it in 2020 than 2021) they have to do it NOW? After all that chemo, which is designed to keep cancer at bay, they feel a need to do a second major surgery less than 12 months after the first one? Would you, the patient, not be better served if you were allowed to heal completely from the mastectomy, or at minimum get to a point where most of your days are free of related pain and side-effects, before going in yet again?

Can you just say to them, "You guys are really great, and I respect your expertise, but unless you think waiting a year is going to kill me, I don't think I can do another surgery right now. Can we talk about getting me fully over THIS one before deciding to add pain on top of what I still deal with every day?" Then make sure they know the whole scope of what you're still dealing with as a result of the mastectomy.

They have to live by the 'first do no harm' thing, they're there to HELP, not harm. I know you're brave, but honey, with medical people? Don't be brave - tell them you need help & time, to heal.

My Mom had (a full 3 years after her breast cancer) a hysterectomy, the vaginal / laparoscopic variety, but only because she had a condition where her bladder was falling and they had to 'shore it up' and knowing her history they offered her the added anti-cancer benefit of getting everything else out of there (she was well into her sixties so the whole instant menopause thing was not a concern) and she figured it was best. She said after the first 2 weeks it wasn't as hard to deal with as the lumpectomy / radiation - but she'd had 3 years in between to heal.

clemencia2us
Posts: 6106
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:21 am

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by clemencia2us »

Very good advice Sandi

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