gaylejackson2 wrote: ↑
Sat Oct 12, 2019 1:08 pm
I slept hard, thank you Melatonin and the dratted drain being removed! I did wake at 4am but did go back to sleep until 8:34am when dd6 rattled my door, saying “Mom?” As Rinty said, It was a lovely lie-in. I got close to 10 hours of sleep!!
You poor folks, I think I rant too much here, but journal-writing is less fun for me as every time I look at my cancer journal, I remember how hubby decided it was okay for Him to read my private thoughts & feelings, and I feel violated all over again.
However last night I gave it another go, yet I did not feel any better, and finally closed it and threw it in the corner against my dresser. Dresser won & journal corner was bent.
Hubby got up & left the bedroom to go watch TV for hours, it's his stress compensator. He was frustrated with me, I was frustrated with us both.
Stupid me, I was soo grumpy that I chose not to take ANY pain meds last night. I sure hurt when I awoke this morning. I took a full oxy, plus all the usual others.
This morning, I talked to him rather frankly. I told him things I haven't before, that YES I AM NEGATIVE, but it's not meant towards him, but towards STUPID CANCER—how its a GIANT BULLY that I cannot see or feel or hear, but that I know its there, and just because the actual physical presence has been removed, that does not mean that I am all fixed. No that Bully is still making it's presence felt, and I have not yet come to the terms of it all YET!! Then I asked for patience while I worked out everything, and told him that it Might Take Awhile!
It’s nearly 11am. I sat down about 20-30 mins ago, after I arranged everything to my satisfaction. I spent Way Too Long upright, ignoring my aching back. Now I’m feeling utterly exhausted, almost to sleepiness, my neck hurts too which seems strange to me.
We have one more dinner coming tonight, hopefully this girl is as careful as all the others have been. I did send her a text message asking her to msg me pictures of her ingredients list before she starts cooking. Hopefully she isn't offended by this.
I’m off to reread all my cards, update my gifts/visits/dinners list, and maybe start writing thank you notes—though have noticed I have no more tiny envelopes to go with my leftover wedding thank you cards. I’ll also embroider awhile on dnephew’s wedding gift.
Today I’m thankful we have sunshine to go with the morning’s icy-cold temps.
Dh said it was 22*F at 8am when he & ds16 went to go pick up Dh’s work truck. Temps are at 38*F now & due to rise to 57*F—if so, I may go out & sit in sun, wrapped in a blanket or my winter coat.