Gayle's Cancer Updates

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gaylejackson2
Posts: 2947
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

floridacatlover wrote:
Sun Dec 29, 2019 8:57 am
Gayle, I’m SO proud of you for handling all of this with such grace and strength. I know you don’t think you’ve been strong but we all see that this terrible disease was no match for you. The end of your treatments is near and I hope that 2020 is a wonderful new year for you. (((Hugs)))
Thank you FCL! Some days I feel like I am beating back the cancer dragon and some times I feel like its still hanging onto my toenails waiting to pull be back for another bout.

gaylejackson2
Posts: 2947
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

Dear Family & Friends,

December 26th was my 3rd Chemo Infusion; Andrew & I were almost through Parley's Canyon to our exit when the check-engine light came on, and our car started acting weird. He dropped me off at Huntsman then headed off for the nearest Ford dealership to see if he could find some answers. Fast forward to the end of that day, our car had an appointment with the Ford dealership in Vernal, but the people in SLC valley were less than helpful, and we drove home carefully.

I spoke to a different Physician's Assistant on Thursday, all the regular ones must have been off for Christmas. She was mainly concerned about my tongue & mouth issues, as well as my on-going constipation battle; she didn't want to discuss anything else.

Only the actually time of having chemo this time was fun, and that was because I had 3 wonderful friends come spend that infusion time with me! Hubby was gone dealing with car issues, so I was happy to have friends with me during this time. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much during a emotionally exhausting time.

Otherwise chemo this time has been positively awful, or rather the post-chemo effects. I have had severe pain, severe irritability, severe disorientation, my vision was yellowish for about 2-3 days afterwards, and now I think that I was beginning to sink into the the depressive stage of grief! It certainly doesn't help that it's gray and gloomy outside, plus being extra cold (-13F at 5am today) so that I feel less inclined to go out walking, which is one of the things that I DO NEED to keep doing. Thoughts on the matter include Winter+chemo+sick-time-of-the-year+cancer= less visitors & greater depression for me. Not saying anyone needs to come visit, just saying that I feel even more isolated now.

My grumpiness and irritability make me also want to change up things in regards to how I let you all know about any updates for me... but I should probably just keep going in the same manner as I am doing for now. What is this change I'm tempted to do? Well as many of you know, I have created a Facebook group, and I'm tempted to post only there to cut down on the number of times & places of posting (except here on MFH, because you all are my village, a HUGE source of support for me). This could also be another feature of of my depression attempting to set in. However if you're tired of hearing from me, tell me know, and I'll deal you out of the next round. You sure wouldn't be the first one... and maybe a reply back once in a while wouldn't hurt you either, hmm? Just so I know these emails aren't shooting off to outer space?

Really not much of an update, this is just more of I'm still here, still slogging along the path of cancer-free. It's not an easy path, nor is it swift, but if I keep on like the tortoise, it is slow & sure. Just kind of bumpy.

People keep asking me when I'm going to be "back to normal" again?! All I can say is seriously??!!?? Who even knows the answer to that question??!! I begin to think there is NO NORMAL, unless you're thinking of normal activity (that is a long time in the future, as the few little things I've done over the past 2 weeks have shown me); some days I think my new normal is going to be sore chest, swollen belly, all-over-body pain, icy-coldness, cramping hands & feet, no hair, mood swings, irritability, disorientation, blurry vision, gastrointestinal distress, heart palpitations, severe exhaustion, horrible mouth pain & tongue sores, severe nausea, painful scalp, skin sores across the body, and a few other things that my tired mind cannot remember just now.

For someone going through cancer, There Is No Normal like you think of Normal. There is only the do what you can today to survive another day's agony!! My daily agonines also include not being mobile like I used to be, not being able to care for my family as I previously did (I cleaned my bathtub & the toilet last night and I was as exhausted as if I had Subbed a full day of PE classes & walked 7 miles across the high school campus), no driving, still doing less repetitive motions, and basically all the same things as last time that I said I couldn't do.

Thank you for all of your prayers. I think I need them far more Now than ever before because its going to take a lot to drag myself out of the depressive funk I feel like I'm sinking into. I feel like I had stopped praying for awhile too, and that has changed, I'm praying more & harder now again. I miss going to the Temple, but I want to go again somehow, even just doing an hour's worth of initiatory would be so very helpful; I just do not know how to get there as I'm still not driving.

Gayle Jackson :)

alliesmama4
Posts: 6735
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:10 pm
Location: Southern IL

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by alliesmama4 »

gaylejackson2 wrote:
Sun Dec 29, 2019 6:47 pm
Dear Family & Friends,

December 26th was my 3rd Chemo Infusion; Andrew & I were almost through Parley's Canyon to our exit when the check-engine light came on, and our car started acting weird. He dropped me off at Huntsman then headed off for the nearest Ford dealership to see if he could find some answers. Fast forward to the end of that day, our car had an appointment with the Ford dealership in Vernal, but the people in SLC valley were less than helpful, and we drove home carefully.

I spoke to a different Physician's Assistant on Thursday, all the regular ones must have been off for Christmas. She was mainly concerned about my tongue & mouth issues, as well as my on-going constipation battle; she didn't want to discuss anything else.

Only the actually time of having chemo this time was fun, and that was because I had 3 wonderful friends come spend that infusion time with me! Hubby was gone dealing with car issues, so I was happy to have friends with me during this time. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much during a emotionally exhausting time.

Otherwise chemo this time has been positively awful, or rather the post-chemo effects. I have had severe pain, severe irritability, severe disorientation, my vision was yellowish for about 2-3 days afterwards, and now I think that I was beginning to sink into the the depressive stage of grief! It certainly doesn't help that it's gray and gloomy outside, plus being extra cold (-13F at 5am today) so that I feel less inclined to go out walking, which is one of the things that I DO NEED to keep doing. Thoughts on the matter include Winter+chemo+sick-time-of-the-year+cancer= less visitors & greater depression for me. Not saying anyone needs to come visit, just saying that I feel even more isolated now.

My grumpiness and irritability make me also want to change up things in regards to how I let you all know about any updates for me... but I should probably just keep going in the same manner as I am doing for now. What is this change I'm tempted to do? Well as many of you know, I have created a Facebook group, and I'm tempted to post only there to cut down on the number of times & places of posting (except here on MFH, because you all are my village, a HUGE source of support for me). This could also be another feature of of my depression attempting to set in. However if you're tired of hearing from me, tell me know, and I'll deal you out of the next round. You sure wouldn't be the first one... and maybe a reply back once in a while wouldn't hurt you either, hmm? Just so I know these emails aren't shooting off to outer space?

Really not much of an update, this is just more of I'm still here, still slogging along the path of cancer-free. It's not an easy path, nor is it swift, but if I keep on like the tortoise, it is slow & sure. Just kind of bumpy.

People keep asking me when I'm going to be "back to normal" again?! All I can say is seriously??!!?? Who even knows the answer to that question??!! I begin to think there is NO NORMAL, unless you're thinking of normal activity (that is a long time in the future, as the few little things I've done over the past 2 weeks have shown me); some days I think my new normal is going to be sore chest, swollen belly, all-over-body pain, icy-coldness, cramping hands & feet, no hair, mood swings, irritability, disorientation, blurry vision, gastrointestinal distress, heart palpitations, severe exhaustion, horrible mouth pain & tongue sores, severe nausea, painful scalp, skin sores across the body, and a few other things that my tired mind cannot remember just now.

For someone going through cancer, There Is No Normal like you think of Normal. There is only the do what you can today to survive another day's agony!! My daily agonines also include not being mobile like I used to be, not being able to care for my family as I previously did (I cleaned my bathtub & the toilet last night and I was as exhausted as if I had Subbed a full day of PE classes & walked 7 miles across the high school campus), no driving, still doing less repetitive motions, and basically all the same things as last time that I said I couldn't do.

Thank you for all of your prayers. I think I need them far more Now than ever before because its going to take a lot to drag myself out of the depressive funk I feel like I'm sinking into. I feel like I had stopped praying for awhile too, and that has changed, I'm praying more & harder now again. I miss going to the Temple, but I want to go again somehow, even just doing an hour's worth of initiatory would be so very helpful; I just do not know how to get there as I'm still not driving.

Gayle Jackson :)
Gayle I am so sorry to hear what you are dealing with. Wish I had words of wisdom to give to you.. I cannot imagine what you are feeling physically and emotionally. I think what you are going through with your depression is normal. You are going through so much healing from a very extensive surgery and then having to deal with periodic chemo therapy that knocks you for a loop. I know it is a daily struggle, maybe even an hour by hour struggle, depending what you are trying to do. Also you have the daily needs of your family that you want to do but cannot. You are strong but you are not superwoman so only do what you can do for short periods of time. I have had to learn I can only do things for about 10 to 15 minutes tops and then I need to rest. I do hope and pray things will start to get better for you soon.

So glad you had some friends that stopped by to help you through your last round of chemo. Do you have one more chemo after this one.

Think of Spring. You will be like a beautiful butterfly coming out of your cocoon.

Sending love, ((hugs)) and prayers. Your friend, Janet
Janet Alliesmama

littlemiss63
Posts: 2516
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:11 pm
Location: Middle Tennessee

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by littlemiss63 »

Gayle, you beautiful soul. You are an inspiration to all of us and you are showing us how to cope if this terrible disease should decide we are it's next culprit. I agree with you about normal. What is normal when you've face what you have?

Take one day at a time and deal with what you have to on that day. I find if I start thinking about what is going to happen in my future. We all know that worry is a waste of time, but there isn't a one of us that can stop doing it all together.

You are fighting now to keep going and you continue the good fight my friend.
((((((((Hugs)))))))) and you are in my prayers every day and will continue to be there.

User avatar
Jackielou
Posts: 7900
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 7:51 pm

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by Jackielou »

gaylejackson2 wrote:
Sun Dec 29, 2019 6:47 pm
Dear Family & Friends,

December 26th was my 3rd Chemo Infusion; Andrew & I were almost through Parley's Canyon to our exit when the check-engine light came on, and our car started acting weird. He dropped me off at Huntsman then headed off for the nearest Ford dealership to see if he could find some answers. Fast forward to the end of that day, our car had an appointment with the Ford dealership in Vernal, but the people in SLC valley were less than helpful, and we drove home carefully.

I spoke to a different Physician's Assistant on Thursday, all the regular ones must have been off for Christmas. She was mainly concerned about my tongue & mouth issues, as well as my on-going constipation battle; she didn't want to discuss anything else.

Only the actually time of having chemo this time was fun, and that was because I had 3 wonderful friends come spend that infusion time with me! Hubby was gone dealing with car issues, so I was happy to have friends with me during this time. I don't remember the last time I laughed so much during a emotionally exhausting time.

Otherwise chemo this time has been positively awful, or rather the post-chemo effects. I have had severe pain, severe irritability, severe disorientation, my vision was yellowish for about 2-3 days afterwards, and now I think that I was beginning to sink into the the depressive stage of grief! It certainly doesn't help that it's gray and gloomy outside, plus being extra cold (-13F at 5am today) so that I feel less inclined to go out walking, which is one of the things that I DO NEED to keep doing. Thoughts on the matter include Winter+chemo+sick-time-of-the-year+cancer= less visitors & greater depression for me. Not saying anyone needs to come visit, just saying that I feel even more isolated now.

My grumpiness and irritability make me also want to change up things in regards to how I let you all know about any updates for me... but I should probably just keep going in the same manner as I am doing for now. What is this change I'm tempted to do? Well as many of you know, I have created a Facebook group, and I'm tempted to post only there to cut down on the number of times & places of posting (except here on MFH, because you all are my village, a HUGE source of support for me). This could also be another feature of of my depression attempting to set in. However if you're tired of hearing from me, tell me know, and I'll deal you out of the next round. You sure wouldn't be the first one... and maybe a reply back once in a while wouldn't hurt you either, hmm? Just so I know these emails aren't shooting off to outer space?

Really not much of an update, this is just more of I'm still here, still slogging along the path of cancer-free. It's not an easy path, nor is it swift, but if I keep on like the tortoise, it is slow & sure. Just kind of bumpy.

People keep asking me when I'm going to be "back to normal" again?! All I can say is seriously??!!?? Who even knows the answer to that question??!! I begin to think there is NO NORMAL, unless you're thinking of normal activity (that is a long time in the future, as the few little things I've done over the past 2 weeks have shown me); some days I think my new normal is going to be sore chest, swollen belly, all-over-body pain, icy-coldness, cramping hands & feet, no hair, mood swings, irritability, disorientation, blurry vision, gastrointestinal distress, heart palpitations, severe exhaustion, horrible mouth pain & tongue sores, severe nausea, painful scalp, skin sores across the body, and a few other things that my tired mind cannot remember just now.

For someone going through cancer, There Is No Normal like you think of Normal. There is only the do what you can today to survive another day's agony!! My daily agonines also include not being mobile like I used to be, not being able to care for my family as I previously did (I cleaned my bathtub & the toilet last night and I was as exhausted as if I had Subbed a full day of PE classes & walked 7 miles across the high school campus), no driving, still doing less repetitive motions, and basically all the same things as last time that I said I couldn't do.

Thank you for all of your prayers. I think I need them far more Now than ever before because its going to take a lot to drag myself out of the depressive funk I feel like I'm sinking into. I feel like I had stopped praying for awhile too, and that has changed, I'm praying more & harder now again. I miss going to the Temple, but I want to go again somehow, even just doing an hour's worth of initiatory would be so very helpful; I just do not know how to get there as I'm still not driving.

Gayle Jackson :)
Gayle, normal is whatever you are feeling right at that moment. Don't let people push you into something you are not ready for. You will reach your normal when you are ready to, whatever that normal is.

It takes courage and stamina to go through chemo, and girl you have shown both. You are in my prayers and I light a candle for you and your family every night.

gaylejackson2
Posts: 2947
Joined: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:13 pm
Location: Utah

Re: Gayle's Cancer Updates

Post by gaylejackson2 »

Jackielou wrote:
Mon Dec 30, 2019 6:43 am
Gayle, normal is whatever you are feeling right at that moment. Don't let people push you into something you are not ready for. You will reach your normal when you are ready to, whatever that normal is.

It takes courage and stamina to go through chemo, and girl you have shown both. You are in my prayers and I light a candle for you and your family every night.
Thank you very much Jackie. I really do appreciate All of the Prayers you (and others here) offer on my behalf.

I don't know about courage or stamina, I'm thinking of it more as "enduring to the end" and hoping that I don't have a come-apart before I get to the end of this rotten cancer mess.
-------
Oh, i have to share this. Dh said lots of people at church are asking when a) I'll be back to normal, but also b) asking when chemo is over because "then of course Gayle will all be well and can come back to church and do things again." ARGH, chemo brain isn't let me explain this very well!
Just that because chemo is almost over doesn't mean that I'll be all better as soon as it's over. I still have more breast reconstructive surgery, as well as removal of my ovaries, and seems like something else? Ugh, cannot remember.

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